The Former Mrs Sheppard
by ancientmaverick
Summary: An exploration of John's comments in Sunday about marriage. Just what happened all those years ago? Spoilers up to Tao of Rodney. Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Yes, I have returned to the world of fanfiction. This isn't the story I promised most of you. I'm still working on my Shep and Lorne whumpfest, but I threw this together after seeing _Sunday_. However, there are NO spoilers for that episode. I only got the idea from what Sheppard said about being married. _

_So, yes, this is a short fic about John and his ex-wife. It is mostly done, and updates will be coming every few days._

_I do not own Stargate: Atlantis or anything in that 'verse. _

_This is set between _Irresponsible_ and _Tao of Rodney_. Spoilers up to that. _

_Enjoy!_

o0o

"Lady and Gentlemen, this concludes our visit to P3X-797. As we exit through the Stargate, please be sure to keep your arms and legs inside the Puddlejumper until we come to a complete stop. I hope you've enjoyed your stay. I'm your Colonel, signing off."

"Do you lie awake at night dreaming up pithy comments to use on missions, or are these just spur-of-the-moment idiot-grams?"

"Whatever annoys you most, Rodney."

The mood in the Puddlejumper was jubilant, despite the sarcastic comments of Rodney McKay, astrophysicist and Ph.D. extraordinaire. Atlantis' premier team had just brokered a deal with the Teramundians, a feat they had managed without getting shot at once, what had become the exception rather than the rule for this type of thing.

Of course, their success had put Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard into a good mood, which always spelled trouble when he was in close proximity with Rodney.

The remaining members of the team, Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagen, were used to the banter, and paid little attention to it, preferring instead to chat about the training schedule they had created for the new military personnel. Some people considered it odd that Ronon and Teyla were partly in charge of the training, since they were actually from the Pegasus Galaxy, but they were the best hand-to-hand combat fighters in the city, and John was all for utilizing whatever resources he had.

They were approaching the space gate, so Rodney dialed Atlantis while John continued needling him. "Come on, Rodney, you have enough gadgets now to keep you occupied for months. You can't tell me this wasn't a good trip."

Rodney frowned. "Fine. It was a wonderful trip. Bloody brilliant, as Carson would say. But am I ever going to get to study this stuff? No! Because this mission went so well, inevitably the next one won't, and you know what that means? I will get shot or captured, and then I will be stuck in the infirmary for God knows how long and then I'll get to repeat the whole process over again!"

John nodded sagely, then turned to Ronon. "Hear that, big guy? Rodney says it's his turn to get shot, so we can take a break for awhile."

Ronon grinned. "Sweet. Can I do the shooting?"

Rodney sent their IDC, all the while glaring at Ronon. "No, you may not shoot me. The law of averages dictates that I actually be injured by someone _not_ on our side this time. It's been awhile."

John laughed as he maneuvered the jumper through the gate. As soon as they were in the city, he settled the ship into its dock and then radioed Elizabeth Weir, his CO and head of the expedition.

"Hey Elizabeth, we've got quite a few crates here. Can you send some techs up to sort all this stuff out?"

"_They're on their way. How'd it go?"_

"Rodney found some nice toys, but he's complaining that he didn't get shot at this time."

There was a brief pause, and John could imagine the grin that was probably on Elizabeth's face. _"Understood, John. Get checked out and then head to the briefing room."_

"Will do." John climbed out of the jumper, nodding to the techs as they unloaded the crates.

The team made their way to the infirmary, where they were given a clean bill of health by the CMO Carson Beckett. He had heard John's comment to Elizabeth and reminded Rodney of his many previous trips to the infirmary, which made Rodney even more irritable and left John grinning like a Cheshire cat.

All in all, it was an interesting briefing, and Elizabeth was very glad when it was over. She had rarely seen John this happy, and she asked him about it as he escorted her back to her office.

"I guess it's because things have been going pretty well lately. I didn't get a dishonorable discharge for disobeying Landry, we screwed up the Asurans plans, the Wraith haven't really bothered us lately, and I got to shoot Kolya. Top it off with new allies, and I am a happy man."

Elizabeth smiled. "I guess things have been picking up for us. Of course, now that we've realized this…"

"It's all gonna go downhill, yeah, I thought about that. But I can enjoy the good times while they last." John grinned lazily, and Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Hey, are we still on for lunch today?"

"Wouldn't miss it. I'll see you in the mess hall."

John headed for the transporter, only to be halted by Elizabeth calling his name. He turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"John, I forgot to tell you. Colonel Caldwell left a bunch of reports and messages for you on your desk. He said there are a few time-sensitive items in the batch."

John made a face. He hated paperwork. "All right, I'll check them out. See you later." Changing direction, he headed to his own office, a place he tried to avoid as often as possible.

He stopped in to check with his 2IC, Major Evan Lorne, who was heading offworld that afternoon. He had reports on the new military personnel, which John took reluctantly. The SGC did a pretty good job of selecting new people, but there were always two or three who didn't work out. It was his job to weed them out before they ever stepped through the Stargate. The training sessions with Ronon and Teyla were designed to do just that.

When he finally reached his office, he was tempted to turn around and head straight for his quarters. The mission reports he had piled up before leaving now had company, and it would take him quite a while to sort everything out. People never seemed to realize how boring some aspects of command could be.

Three hours into the task, he took a break. He had decided to begin with the mission reports, since they needed to be sent to the SGC the following day. They were pretty straight-forward, if time-consuming, and he thought his superiors would be pleased with the results of the last few weeks.

He still had a couple of hours before lunch, so he pulled up the files Caldwell had sent. Most were Caldwell's personal reports on the new personnel. John had been irritated when Caldwell had started sending those, but he soon admitted that the man's longer command experience made him well-equipped to spot problems well before others. John made a note of who he needed to watch, forwarding the list to Teyla so she could keep an eye on them.

There were two other files that Caldwell had sent, one a personal note from the Colonel, giving him a heads up that something big was going down at the SGC with regards to Atlantis. John had to admit, it was odd getting these occasional tips from the man who had tried to take over his position on several occasions, but he had come to appreciate them. He had long ago learned that the military was full of pompous generals who sat on their asses dreaming up ways to advance their careers at the expense of the people under their command. Neither John nor Caldwell was prepared to sacrifice their people at the whim of Washington, so they tried to plan ahead.

The second file was titled 'Personal Letter', and that made John curious. He didn't get mail generally, and when he occasionally got something, it was sent via the weekly check-ins with the SGC. Someone had gone to a lot of trouble to get it to Caldwell, and they didn't want Stargate Command involved.

He opened it, not sure what to expect.

The first line sent shock waves throughout his body.

_Hello, John. I know I said I never wanted to speak to you again, but things have changed, and I guess I was lying before. _

In all honesty, there were dozens of people who had vowed to have nothing to do with John, but for some reason, he just knew it was _her_.

_General Sheppard insists you'll get this, even though he refuses to tell me where you are or what you're doing. The most I was able to get out of your father was that you had been tasked to Antarctica. I got the feeling you guys don't talk much. Anyway, he says he'll send it to a friend who can get it to you._

_John, there is so much I want to say, so much I have to apologize for. You were right. I didn't understand, and I wasn't ready for such a big commitment. I treated you horribly, and you never complained. I should never have left the way I did, and I'm sorry for what I put you through._

_I know this is a lot for me to ask, but I want to see you again. We never talked about what happened, and I need to know that you don't hate me. The thing is, I'm getting married again. And I need to know that things are okay between us before I can go through with it. I told Mark, my fiancé, about what happened, and he's agreed to postpone the ceremony until I get an answer from you._

_This isn't making sense, I know. My emotions are all a mess, and I feel terrible for even asking you to do this. I know this is difficult for you. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me. I just…I had to try._

_I left my contact information with your dad. I hope to hear from you soon._

_Kristina_

o0o

_Let me know what you think by pushing that little button down there._


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Wow! You guys have been amazing with the reviews! It's very encouraging, and I'll try to live up to your expectations. I'm guessing this will be around five or six chapters. Hopefully I'll finish it this weekend so updates will be a bit swifter in coming. I hope you enjoy the second installment, and keep those reviews coming!_

o0o

Of all the people in the universe, John had least expected to hear from his ex-wife. Their marriage and subsequent divorce had been a dark chapter in his life that he had fully hoped to never think about again.

He had never told anyone in Atlantis about his marriage. Elizabeth had probably seen the notation in his file, but she had never asked about it. Everyone had simply assumed that he was a happily unattached bachelor with no serious relationships, and he was content to let them continue in that belief. His position in Atlantis meant little time spent on Earth, which meant very little chance of having to deal with Kristina ever again.

Now, however, things had changed. Kristina's letter had opened an emotional wound that had been nicely scabbed over. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see her again, but he knew he couldn't just ignore her. She sounded sincere, and John had a sudden urge to discover if it was just another game.

He glanced at his watch and cursed. He was ten minutes late for lunch with Elizabeth. Whatever he decided to do, it would have to wait.

xXxXx

Elizabeth had been waiting in the mess hall for fifteen minutes when she saw John come through the door. She waved at him, smiling slightly, and he nodded before picking up a tray and heading through the line.

She teased him as he sat across from her. "Caldwell's reports were that riveting, hmm?" She waited for him to roll his eyes or make a sarcastic comment.

She was disappointed.

He picked at his food before slowly nodding. "Yeah. He sent some interesting stuff."

Elizabeth frowned. "Anything serious?"

John started to speak, but then appeared to think before shaking his head. "He sent a heads-up on possible interference from the IOA, but it doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon. Other than that, standard reports." He seemed lost in deep thoughts.

Elizabeth was silent for a few minutes. John had lost the good mood he'd been in that morning and she had no idea what could have done it.

"John, is everything all right? You seem a little…distracted."

"What? Oh, no. I'm fine." He saw the look on her face, and forced a smile. "It's nothing really. I just have a lot on my mind right now."

She sighed. "Is this about Rodney?"

John raised an eyebrow. "Why would this be about Rodney?"

Maybe she _didn't_ understand what this was about. "I just thought…he's been bugging me all morning about not going on missions for awhile. He wants to do some work on the Ancient devices he brought back. I thought you might have been thinking about that."

John sighed. "He mentioned something about it this morning. To be honest, I haven't had a chance to think about it." He hesitated. "Actually…I got some news from Earth with the stuff Caldwell sent. I…wasn't expecting it."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, this just kind of caught me off guard." He looked down at his plate, suddenly aware that he wasn't all that hungry. "Look, I'm probably not the best company right now. Would you mind if I took a rain check on lunch? I've got some thinking to do."

Elizabeth tried not to show her surprise. "That would be fine, John. I'll be in my office if you need to talk."

He smiled, genuinely this time, and stood. "Thanks. Don't worry about me, really. I'll see you later."

xXxXx

John didn't feel like doing paperwork that afternoon, so he swung by the control room to see off Lorne's team and then headed for the gym to watch the training exercises. He could tell Teyla was surprised to see him, but Ronon simply gave him a nod before proceeding to throw a marine down on the mat.

A few of the marines along the wall snickered as their buddy rose shakily to his feet. Ronon pulled him up, tossing his dreadlocks over his shoulder.

"Something funny?" he asked, glaring at them.

One of the guys, a broad-shouldered blonde, was forced to step forward when his friends stepped back. "No, uh…sir. We were just wondering how often you get into hand-to-hand combat situations. From what I've heard, our best option is to start shooting and never stop when we see a Wraith."

"The Wraith will not be the only enemy you face. There are many who appear friendly until they stab you in the back. If your reflexes are not swift, you will be caught off-guard and most likely captured." Teyla calmly imparted her wisdom to the group before her.

John grinned and sidled up behind a marine, being careful to move quietly. "Then it's our job to save your sorry ass."

The marine jumped, but turned quickly, swinging his arm. John ducked easily and then planted an elbow into the man's chest, propelling him into the ground by wrapping his leg behind the guy's ankle. He rolled to his feet, crouching in a fighting stance Ronon had taught him long ago.

Speaking of Ronon, the Satedan was currently trying to distract John from noticing Teyla, who had circled behind him. John charged at Ronon, taking the larger man down before bouncing back to his feet, now facing both of his friends.

Teyla provided a running commentary. "You need to be aware of your surroundings at all times. If you take too long to get up after being hit, your enemy will have the advantage. You will notice that Colonel Sheppard has maneuvered so he has only two fronts to watch. However, it would also be wise to avoid situations in which you are required to fight more than one opponent."

John smiled. "That's when you employ the first rule of combat. Never leave a teammate in trouble." He winked at Teyla and Ronon, who turned just in time to see the marine's arrayed in a circle behind them. John thought open the door he had been standing in front of, waving as he backed out. "All right, boys and girls, have fun!"

He chuckled as he left the gym. He liked to pop in every now and again to give the newest expedition members a jolt. Of course, he would have had his butt kicked if Teyla and Ronon had really been trying, but they were kind enough to go easy on him in front of new people, saving his image.

It had been a nice distraction, but now that it was over, he was rapidly becoming glum again. There were plenty of things he could do to fill the afternoon, but nothing would distract him for long from thoughts of Kristina. He really needed to figure out what to do.

Elizabeth's voice on the radio pulled him from his thoughts.

"_Colonel, Lorne's team is in trouble."_

"I'll be there in a minute." John ran for the control room, calling for security teams.

The ensuing ruckus served to occupy him for the rest of the afternoon. Lorne had inadvertently offended some of the local townspeople, taking a blow to the head. His team had carried him back to the gate, running from a rather irate mob. There had been a few tense moments, but John's arrival with Major Castleman's team had discouraged the mob from coming any closer.

John spent the next few hours in the infirmary, first waiting for Lorne to wake up and then getting the reports from his team. By the time he finished, it was well past eight, and his stomach was rumbling, so he stopped by the mess hall on his way to his quarters.

He had just finished with his shower when his eyes fell on his laptop, where Kristina's letter lay waiting.

He sighed. It would be almost impossible to sleep tonight, so he finished dressing and then radioed Ronon, telling him that he was going to the east pier. His teammate offered to go with him, but John declined. He wasn't in the mood for company.

Elizabeth liked to joke that John spent more time awake at night than he did during the day. John merely replied that he would sleep more at night if he didn't get so many naps during briefings. Neither Elizabeth nor Rodney were amused, having been on the receiving end of John's periodic 'resting of the eyes'.

'Sheppard is at the Pier' had long ago become shorthand among Atlantis' personnel for 'Bother the military commander at your own risk'. Rodney regularly ignored the unspoken warning, but most people didn't want to find out what would happen if they disturbed him.

That was fine with John. He had a sneaking suspicion that Lorne had been telling slightly exaggerated stories about him to the new personnel, adding to the already lengthy tales of his legendary prowess. Well, if the fear of the Wraith couldn't get people to cooperate, fear of John Sheppard would do.

It took more than an hour for John to wind down enough that he could simply enjoy the sound of waves crashing against the pier. He needed a clear head to think through this latest problem.

Kristina Waters had been a waitress at a small restaurant in Cambridge, Massachusetts. John liked to go there to study, and they had become fast friends. John had already completed a tour in Germany, and he was getting a graduate degree in Mathematics after finishing officer's training. Kristi had never been outside of the state, and she was fascinated by John's stories.

Their relationship developed quickly, and a few days after John received his Master's, he and Kristi were married. John's father had pulled some strings for them, and they soon settled back in Germany. They were young and in love, and their world was perfect.

Then John was reassigned to the Middle East. Kristi had fought hard against it, and John tried to explain how the Air Force worked. It wasn't easy, but he was finally able to ensconce her near her family in the States. He kissed her goodbye, promising that the next year would go by quickly.

He had been right – at least for the first three months. Their letters had been long and full of dreams about the future. Then the letters flowed less frequently. John was involved in some very serious missions, and he assumed that Kristi had finally been able to settle down.

Three weeks after his chopper crashed in a training exercise, he received a letter from Kristi. She wanted a divorce. He thought it was a mistake, so he called home.

It wasn't a mistake.

Kristi couldn't handle being a military wife. The time apart from John had seemed interminable, and she had become more and more depressed. She was constantly afraid that John would be killed, and that she would be left alone. His close call weeks before had only cemented this fear, and she could stand it no longer.

It was the mother of all Dear John letters, and there was no end to the sick irony that John himself would receive one.

He signed the divorce papers two days after going home. He saw Kristi only once after that, and the meeting had been less than pleasant. He signed up for another tour, and quickly put all thoughts of his ex-wife out of his mind.

In all the time since then, he had thought of her only occasionally. He had girlfriends, but never let the relationships develop into something more serious. Eventually, he gave up altogether. Life in Afghanistan, and later Antarctica, was not exactly conducive to meaningful relationships.

He could no longer ignore Kristi, though. She was reaching out to him for the first time in nearly ten years, and he couldn't just brush her off, even if that was his first inclination.

He stared out across the water. Atlantis had become a safe haven for him. That was odd considering his many run-ins with the Wraith, Genii and various others who frequently tried to kill him. He had family there, though, people who cared about him, and that was more than he'd had for a long time.

It was another three hours before he finally decided what he was going to do. It would be difficult, but he knew he wouldn't be able to rest until this whole mess was over.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Thanks again for all of the reviews. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to all of them. Things have been a bit crazy, which is also why I'm posting this a bit later than I planned. _

_This is kind of an in-between chapter, setting up for Shep's time on Earth. You'll see more of Kristina next chapter._

_Enjoy!_

o0o

John was up early the next morning. He was in his office before seven, creating a schedule for the week. He wrote up training instructions for Ronon and Lorne and took care of the reports he'd left unfinished the day before. The sound of his door opening at ten-thirty made him look up to see Elizabeth, a concerned expression on her face.

He cut her off before she could speak. "Elizabeth, good, I need to speak with you."

She crossed her arms. "If you're about to tell me what's going on, then I'll let you. You've been acting a bit strangely, lately. It's a little disconcerting."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't plan for this to happen." John took a deep breath. "I need to take a week off."

Elizabeth didn't bother to hide her surprise. "Why?"

"I need to take care of some things on Earth."

"John, you haven't asked to return to Earth since we got here, let alone for a week. You always hate it when we get called back to the SGC." Elizabeth frowned. "Does this have something to do with what Caldwell warned you about?"

"No," John shook his head. "This is strictly personal."

Elizabeth sat across from him. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I have to ask what this is about."

John sighed. "I told you I received some news yesterday. It was a letter from my ex-wife."

There was complete silence for about thirty seconds. Then Elizabeth leaned forward. "I…didn't realize…"

"I know. I probably should have said something before this, but to be honest, Kristina and I haven't spoken for quite awhile, and quite frankly, I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with her again."

"Why did she contact you now?"

John sucked in a breath. "We didn't end things well, and she…we both need to work some stuff out. Elizabeth, if I don't do something about this now, it's gonna bother me, and you of all people should know that a distracted soldier is a dead soldier."

Elizabeth nodded slowly. "All right, then, one week. You can go this afternoon when we make our report."

John gave her a pale smile. "Thank you, Elizabeth."

"It's the least I can do, really." Elizabeth stood. "But what are you going to tell your team?"

xXxXx

John poked his head into Rodney's lab, smiling when he heard the quiet mutterings of Dr. Radek Zelenka and the annoyed comments of Rodney's staff. Apparently, the astrophysicist had been letting his feelings about missions known to all. John leaned against the wall, waiting for Rodney to turn.

It took nearly five minutes, but finally Rodney noticed him. "Ah, Sheppard, good, I was hoping I could speak with you. I trust Elizabeth has told you about the problems we're having with the devices we brought back. I know you were hoping to head out tomorrow, but I really need some time to study these. Now, if you could just let me explain my reasoning, I know you'll agree with me-"

"I already approved your request, Rodney."

"I know you don't think so, but this stuff is really import- oh. You did? When?"

"I just cleared it with Elizabeth. You've got one week to play with your toys."

"A week? Wow. Um…who'll be going on missions with you guys?"

"We're out of the rotation. Teyla's going to the mainland and Ronon will be teaching some combat lessons."

"Oh. Good."

John smiled at the look of relief on Rodney's face. He might complain about the frequency of missions, but he was very possessive of his place on the team.

"So. Where will you be?"

"I'm headed to Earth."

Rodney wasn't sure he had heard correctly. "Earth? Why are you going to Earth? Were you recalled by the SGC? Oh God, you're not being replaced, are you? Where's Elizabeth, this has to be a mistake or something."

John rolled his eyes, pulling Rodney back before he stormed up to the control room. "Rodney, I'm not being replaced. Everything's fine. Would you calm down?"

Rodney scowled. "Everything's fine? Says the man who can't stand to be sitting down for more than five minutes. I repeat, why are you going to Earth?"

John hesitated, making Rodney even more worried. "Personal reasons."

"Did somebody die?"

John laughed slightly. "Rodney, you have absolutely no tact. No, nobody died. I've just got something to take care of." He held up a hand. "And no, I'm not telling you what it is, and you're not going with me."

"Well of course not!" Rodney turned back to his laptop, then faced John again. "You're sure everything is okay?"

"Yeah, Rodney," John laughed. "Try not to get into trouble while I'm gone." He nodded to the other scientists in the room, and then left.

Rodney watched him go, and then realized Zelenka was smiling slightly at him. "What are you grinning like that for? Get back to work!"

xXxXx

Rodney made it a point to be in the control room for the report to the SGC. John rolled his eyes when he saw him walk in, but Rodney tried to ignore it, pretending to work on something important. He half-listened to Elizabeth's conversation with Landry, and then straightened a little when she paused, her eyes darting to John.

"General, I have one other matter to take care of. Colonel Sheppard has requested a week's leave to take care of some personal business. I've granted it, but your approval is also needed."

"_General O'Neill gave advance notice that this was a possibility. I'm assuming he'd like to come through soon?"_

"Yes, sir, I would. My jumper is prepped and ready to go as soon as our reports have been sent."

"_Getting ahead of yourself, eh?"_

Rodney snorted, and John shot him a look.

"Just optimistic about my chances, sir."

"_Right. We'll expect you within the hour. Give my regards to the rest of your staff, Elizabeth."_

With that, the Gate shut down, and John headed for the Jumper Bay. Rodney started to follow, but was stopped by Elizabeth's hand on his arm.

"Rodney, can I talk to you in my office, please?"

Rodney pretended not to see Chuck's smirk as he followed his boss.

Elizabeth shut the door behind them, motioning the scientist toward a chair. "Rodney, what are you doing here?"

He hesitated. "I was making sure the transmission went through without any glitches."

"You were spying."

Rodney sputtered. "What? How…I was just-"

"Look, Rodney, you stopped overseeing transmissions months ago. You've been telling everyone that you need more time to work with the Ancient devices, and yet you're here, sans said devices." Elizabeth leveled her stare at him. "I know what you're worried about Colonel Sheppard, but you could have just asked him what this was about."

"Okay, first of all, I'm not worried. This is just…mild concern for the well-being of the military commander of Atlantis. And second, I did ask. He told me it was personal."

"Then you should have dropped it. One of these days, Rodney, your curiosity is going to get you into trouble."

"_Elizabeth, I'm set to go."_

John's voice over the radio cut into Rodney's attempts to come up with a defense.

Elizabeth touched her earpiece. "Understood. Dial the Gate. Good luck, John."

"_Thanks. I'll see you in a week. Sheppard out."_

Rodney watched the jumper slip through the Stargate. He frowned as he thought about what Elizabeth had said.

"Luck? Why does Sheppard need luck? Can someone please tell me what's going on around here?"

Elizabeth sighed. "Just…go back to your lab, Rodney. Please."

o0o

_AN: So what will happen? Send me your thoughts by clicking that little button we all love so much!_


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Woohoo!! I am (very nearly) back in business! Just a few more repairs, and then I am good to go. And to reward you all for your patience, I have a lovely long chapter for you, with beautiful background information. Enjoy!_

o0o

The trip to Earth was uneventful. He checked in with General Landry as soon as he had settled the Puddlejumper into its space, and then headed for the surface. He procured a car and drove to the airport, where he settled in for a long flight to Texas.

He thought about the last time he had seen Kristina. He hadn't really expected her to meet him at the airport when he came back from the Middle East, but he had hoped to at least talk to her before their marriage was completely dissolved. His return had become an unmitigated disaster, however, when he was met at the gate by her divorce attorney. The man's rather insincere apology about ambushing John had not been well-received, and he finally just pushed the papers into John's hands, forcing him to take them.

It was not at all the homecoming John had pictured, and it had set up the rather ugly confrontation that took place two days later at the offices of Howard & Associates.

xXxXx

_John hesitated before opening the door. He wasn't looking forward to this meeting, and was hoping it would be over as quickly as possible. _

_The receptionist pointed him to the correct office. Behind him, the door opened again, and he half-turned out of reflex._

_Kristina. _

_He knew the moment she saw him, because she paused before ducking her head and brushing past him. John caught the receptionist giving him a sympathetic smile, and he wondered how many times she had seen this kind of thing. _

_John followed his wife back to the office in silence. Now that he was here, he wasn't sure why he'd come. The papers could have been signed without any contact with Kristina. He supposed he was still hoping that all of this was just a bad dream he'd wake up from at moment. _

_That possibility was rapidly fading, however. John sat next to his father's lawyer, Garrett Pierce, at one end of the small table in the office while Kristina and the jerk (Howard himself, apparently) who had met him at the airport sat across from them. _

_Pierce cleared his throat and leaned forward. "We'd like to do this as amicably as possible. I've read over the terms of the divorce, and John has agreed to them. Mrs. Sheppard will receive a small sum of money, after which no further demands can be made on Lieutenant Sheppard's estate."_

"_Mrs. Sheppard has also agreed to these terms. There is a question, however, of exactly how much she will be receiving."_

_John couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're worried about money? Maybe you don't remember, but I put my career on hold for you. Remember Germany?"_

_Kristina refused to look at him, focusing instead on her hands in her lap. _

"_John," Pierce placed a hand on his shoulder. "What exactly do you want?" he addressed Howard._

"_My client is concerned for her financial well-being during the period of transition. We're asking for half again the amount originally agreed upon."_

_John sat back. He could afford it, thanks to some generous gifts in his youth and wise investments later on. He just didn't understand what Kristina was trying to do. _

"_Can I speak with my wife, please? Alone." _

_Pierce stood immediately. Howard glanced at Kristina, who slowly nodded. _

_When the lawyers were gone, John moved to sit beside his wife. She didn't look at him, still looking at anything but him. _

"_I don't get it, Kristi. I don't understand why this is happening."_

_Kristina's laugh was short and bitter. "Don't kid yourself. Our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. This is just happening now because you left me."_

"_I was reassigned! Did you expect me to leave the Air Force to be with you?" John was met with silence and he suddenly realized the truth._

"_You did, didn't you? God, I should have seen this in Germany. You were always talking about finding a job with some big airline." John stood, frustrated. "The Air Force is my life, Kristi. I thought you would understand that!"_

_Kristina stood, now looking him straight in the eye. "What I understood is that I would never mean as much to you as your job. You could have died, and what would I have done then? I can't live this kind of life, John, always terrified that something has happened to you."_

"_You could have found a better way to tell me about this! A letter, Kristi? Do you have any idea what that did to me?"_

"_What it did to you? I tried to tell you again and again how I felt. But always, your precious Air Force came first! I can't do it anymore. I won't."_

_Silence reigned until John asked the question he'd wanted to ask from the beginning._

"_Who is he?"_

_Kristina looked away, uncomfortable, and John knew he'd been right. "Yeah, I thought so. You can say all you want about my job and how hard it is on you, but it all comes down to the fact that you got bored." He smiled bitterly. "I don't even care who it is. You know, Kristi, you were right. This marriage has always been a joke."_

_He let the lawyers in from the hallway, then collected his things. "I'll sign your damn papers," he said to Howard. "If she wants this so badly, who am I to stop her?"_

_With that, he stalked out the door, not even sparing a glance for the sympathetic receptionist._

_Pierce brought the papers to him that evening, and by the next morning, John was back on a plane to the Middle East._

xXxXx

John's plane touched down in Wichita Falls in the early afternoon, giving him plenty of time to drive to his father's home on the Sheppard Air Force Base. While they weren't related to the man the base had been named for, it was still deemed appropriate that Major General John Sheppard had been given command of the training facility. John had to admit, his father was an excellent instructor.

When he and his father were still talking, John would receive periodic updates about Kristina's life. She hadn't married whomever she'd left John for, though she didn't suffer a lack of boyfriends. She'd eventually taken a position at a bank, where she'd apparently done quite well. That was the last John had heard before the fiasco in Afghanistan.

He wasn't looking forward to this meeting. He hadn't called ahead, figuring that Kristina had given enough advanced warning.

Sure enough, as soon as John showed his ID at the gate, he was waved straight through to the base headquarters. He was met by his father's assistant.

"Hello, John! I wasn't expecting to see you anytime soon. And look at you, a Lieutenant Colonel now. What in the hell could the Air Force have been thinking?"

John smiled. He had always liked the fast-talking Colonel Hollister. "Hey, Pete. Nice to see you, too." He nodded toward the door to his father's office. "Is the General around?"

Pete's smile slackened a little, though he struggled to maintain it. "He's meeting with one of the commanders. You're stuck with me for a bit out here."

John didn't answer. He had accepted the wall that his father had built between them, though he knew Pete didn't understand. He took a seat in the small waiting area, and smiled when Pete sat across from him.

"So seriously, John, what have you been up to lately? Your dad was keeping tabs on you in Antarctica, but then you seemed to vanish. There was talk of some project in Colorado."

"So he's still waiting for me to screw up again, huh?" He waved away Pete's protest. "I'm getting past all that, I really am. Actually, I've been working out of Cheyenne Mountain for the past few years."

Pete wasn't buying it. "I can't believe for a second that you'd accept a post that didn't let you fly. There's gotta be more to this."

"Sorry, Pete. I guess I never realized before just how fascinating it could be to study Deep Space Radar Telemetry."

"Uh-huh. All right, I'll accept the fact that you can't talk about it. Doesn't stop me from being curious, though."

"Pete, I don't think anything exists that could stop your curiosity." _Except maybe life-sucking aliens and robots bent on the destruction of the human race._ "Look, the General's probably going to be awhile. You wouldn't happen to have some contact information for a Kristina Sheppard, would you? Might be under Kristina Waters."

Pete frowned. "I might. You're not looking to get back together with her, are you?"

"God, no," John laughed. "I'm just here so she doesn't feel guilty for marrying somebody else."

Pete went to his desk and pulled a file from it. "You really should wait and talk to your father, you know."

"Pete, you wouldn't have this file if he wanted to see me." They both knew how true that was.

"All right, then. You need a ride back to the airport?"

"No, the Air Force has me well-taken-care-of." John smiled. "It was good to see you, Pete."

"You, too."

John sketched a hasty salute and headed for the door.

"John."

He turned.

Pete looked seriously at him. "Whatever you're doing…take care of yourself out there."

xXxXx

As soon as John was in his car, he looked at the folder Pete had given him. In it was a complete record of Kristina's life after their divorce, along with a short list of phone numbers where she could be reached.

John took a deep breath before dialing. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready to talk to his ex-wife again, but nor did he want to prolong the anxiousness he was feeling.

"_Sheppard."_

John hesitated.

"_Hello?"_

"Kristina?"

"_Yes, who is this?"_

It was now or never.

"Kristi, this is John."


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Brief note. Thanks for the comments, I do appreciate them so much! Further notes from me at the end, but for now, enjoy the story!_

o0o

There was a brief moment of silence on the other end of the line.

"Kristi, are you still there?"

"_I'm here, John. Um…I don't know what to say. I didn't expect to hear from you."_

"Yeah, well it takes a while to get things to me now. But I'm here, and I've got a few days leave, if you're still interested in that discussion."

"_Yes, definitely. Where are you now?" _She sounded eager to talk to him.

"Texas. It shouldn't take long to book a flight."

"_Okay, well Mark and I are in Chicago."_

"I can be there tonight." John thought for a moment. "Listen, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really rather just talk to you first. I'm sure Mark's a great guy, I just…"

"_I understand. Why don't I pick you up from the airport and we can get some dinner and just talk things out."_

"Sounds perfect. I'll call when I find out flight information."

"_All right."_ Kristina paused. _"I'm glad you came, John."_

"Yeah. Me too."

He hung up quickly. He had gone up against creepy Wraith, power-hungry Asurans and the ever-terrifying Elizabeth Weir, and he was just beginning to realize that nothing in the universe could prepare him for what he was about to face.

xXxXx

John grabbed his bag from the carousel, and glanced around. His second phone conversation with Kristina had been even shorter than the first, with Kristina agreeing to meet him in the baggage claim area. After so much time in another galaxy, he'd forgotten how much he hated airports.

"John!"

He turned, hearing his name above the muted din of his fellow travelers.

When he caught sight of her, he couldn't help but stare. Kristina had been a beauty when they were married, but the years had done much to fill out the soft curves. He walked slowly to her, suddenly feeling slightly awkward.

"You…you look good."

"Thanks." She smiled uncertainly. "Um…do you have more, or should we…?"

"No, this is it." He cleared his throat. "Lead the way."

"Oh, right! I parked pretty close, so we won't have to walk very far."

The conversation died as they pushed their way out the doors into the bright sunshine. After nearly three years in the Pegasus Galaxy, John never failed to be amazed at how unconcernedly people went about their lives. Even now, he expected a Wraith to pop up from behind a car.

They loaded John's bags into the trunk, then settled into the front. Instead of starting the car, Kristina turned to John. "Are you hungry? There's a great restaurant downtown. I hope you still like Italian."

"Sounds good. I don't get much variety these days."

They made small talk for the next half hour as they drove into the city. It was still a little weird for John to be in this position, but he knew this was important for both of them.

They arrived at the restaurant and requested a corner booth. After they ordered, they sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. It was actually pretty comical, because John would glance at Kristina, who would look elsewhere, then the process would be reversed. Finally, John could stand it no longer.

"We gotta talk about this sometime, Kristi. I came a long way because of that letter."

She raised her eyebrow at that. "John, when I talked to your dad, he said you were based out of Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado, yet it took nearly two months for you to respond. If I didn't know better, I'd say you've been avoiding me."

"It's complicated, okay? The Air Force has me working on a project, and while the command is based in Colorado, I've been bouncing all over the place. I'm sorry you thought I was ignoring you, but I honestly didn't get your letter until a little over a week ago. And I don't appreciate you going through my father with this, either."

"How else was I supposed to find you? I haven't heard from you since the day you signed the papers! Didn't you think I might care about what was going on with you?"

John laughed bitterly. "No, not really, especially not after what you said to me that day. You made it very clear that I was no longer welcome in your life."

She was taken aback by that. "You're still angry with me."

"You took away the best thing that had ever happened to me. I tried to get over it. I haven't thought about you in years, and then all of a sudden, there you are, expecting me to forgive you and give you my blessing to marry this new guy." John scrubbed his eyes, suddenly tired. "I'm not sure what you want from me, Kristi."

"I don't know," she burst out, close to tears. "I don't expect you to forgive me, John. I can't even forgive myself for what I did to you. But I had to see you. I have to know you don't hate me."

Their waiter came then, but he seemed to sense the mood and didn't linger.

John picked at his pasta before responding to his ex-wife. "I don't hate you, Kristi. I guess I just don't understand why all of this happened."

"It wasn't you, John. I was young, and stupid, and scared. You were everything I had ever wanted, and I was terrified of losing you. I thought if you left the Air Force, we could settle down and live a comfortable and safe life." Kristina smiled a little. "I didn't realize until later that you were never going to go for that. So I decided to punish you for abandoning me. And then I met Trevor, and he was there for me when you were so far away. I traded your love for the security I felt with Trevor. It just got worse after the accident."

"You should have told me. I would have…"

"You would have what? You were bound and determined to make your father proud, John. I was never going to be more important than that."

"I guess it's kind of ironic." John saw the question on her face, and smiled sourly. "I spent most of my life seeking my father's approval only to lose it all in rapid succession. Dad never understood why I didn't fight harder to get you back. And then I blew my career in Afghanistan. I never was able to see what was right in front of my face."

Kristi gripped his hand in her own. "John, it's not your fault. I expected you to change too much."

"Isn't that what marriage is about? You weren't the only one who had a plan for the perfect life. I just expected you to figure it out and go along with it." John sighed. "I guess we were both pretty stupid."

"Yeah," Kristina agreed somberly. "So…what do we do now?"

"Actually, can we talk about something else now? I need some time to think about this." John sipped his wine. "What have you been doing the past few years?"

The rest of the evening slipped slowly by as they talked over the years since they had last seen one another. John had to gloss over a few things, but now that The Talk had been put on hold, he felt much more at ease.

They left the restaurant late, and Kristi drove him to a hotel, where they agreed to meet the next morning, this time with Mike joining the party.

John had trouble sleeping that night, playing the events of his relationship with Kristina over and over in his head. It wasn't until much later that he finally drifted off, thinking about the decision he had made.

o0o

_AN: All right, so it's slightly shorter than I wanted, but life has been rough. I'm learning a lot of things I really didn't want to know about people. _

_Spring break is next week, which means I'm headed to D.C. to do some work, which means a few days before I can post again. I'm thinking one more chapter (with an epilogue), and the story shall be complete. _

_Stay tuned for John's decision about Kristi and Mark. And leave lovely comments!_


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: Yikes! I must apologize profusely for taking much longer than I originally said I would. Washington was lovely, but I came back to more work than I had left. But, I am finally taking the time to do some writing, of which you faithful few can reap the benefits. _

_Here it is, the final chapter. Enjoy._

o0o

John was up bright and early the next morning, despite the little sleep he'd been able to get. The nervousness that had plagued him the day before was gone, replaced by a deep calm and assurance that he was making the right decision.

He called the SGC and told them to expect him sometime that afternoon. They were surprised, as he still had a few days of leave, but John was ready to go home. His posting in Antarctica had taught him the value of solitude, and the city was starting to feel oppressive.

He was waiting in the lobby of the hotel when he saw Kristina walk through the door, a tall dark-haired man following close behind, whom he presumed to be Mark.

John slung his bag over his shoulder and strode over to his ex-wife.

Kristi stepped forward. "John, this is my fiancé, Mark." She smiled self-consciously at the man beside her. "And Mark, this is John Sheppard…my ex-husband."

Mark held out his hand, which John took slowly, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

"So you're the one I traveled so far to see?" John said blithely.

Mark shrugged, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I guess so." He led them out of the hotel. "Kristi tells me you're in the Air Force."

John ducked into the back seat of the car. "That's right."

Mark waited until it became apparent that John wasn't going to qualify his answer. "What exactly does the Air Force do in a mountain?"

"Our main focus is on studying deep space radar telemetry. We have several observatories all over the world, however. Some of them in rather remote places." John steered the conversation away from his job. "Where are we going?"

Kristi turned in her seat to face him. "Mark suggested that we go to his office. It'll provide a quiet place for us to talk."

John thought about all that talk could entail, and groaned inwardly. He pasted a smile on his face, though, and said, "Sounds great."

Twenty minutes later, they were in Mark's office. Obviously, Kristi was marrying into a family with quite a bit of money, because Mark's last name was on the door five times.

John's discomfort continued as they settled on the leather couches in the glass shrine that apparently doubled as an office.

"So…" Mark broke the silence awkwardly.

John was having difficulty figuring out how he had gotten into this situation. He abruptly stood and faced the couple.

"This is ridiculous. Kristi, you brought me here to bless or approve of this marriage. I'd really like to know why you want me to approve this when I didn't get a choice on ending our life together."

Kristi sighed. "I don't know. I screwed up, John. I already told you that. I just didn't want you to find out about this from someone else. And I guess I had to take care of the past before moving on with the future."

John nodded, and then turned to Mark. "When did she tell you about me?"

"Our first date. She was very open about what happened."

"Good." John stared out the window for a moment. "I thought about this for a long time last night. Kristi, I'm glad you contacted me, and that we had a chance to talk about what happened. But this has to be it for us. Get married, have a family, do whatever. You have my blessing."

Kristi interrupted. "What are you saying?"

"I don't want to see you again. I don't want to hear from you. I can't. This chapter of our lives is done, has been for awhile. We've both moved on, and there is no reason for us to go back." John smiled sadly. "Don't think badly of me for this, Kristi. I've just never gotten over you, and I won't put you through that again. Do you understand?"

Kristi's eyes were misty as she nodded. "I think I can. I wish it could be different for us."

"Me too. Goodbye, Kristi. Have a nice life." John hugged his ex-wife, and shook Mark's hand. He accepted the offer of a car to the airport, and then left, his heart lighter than it had been in a long time.

xXxXx

John was back at the SGC in the early afternoon. He had a couple of hours to kill before he was scheduled to leave, so he worked on some of his reports.

He had just finished packing and was headed for the cargo room where the jumper was docked when he had a sudden thought. He was passing by Dr. Jackson's lab, and ducked his head in.

"Hey, Dr. Jackson! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I was wondering if I could use your phone."

Jackson shrugged and pointed to his desk before going back to the book he'd been studying. John thanked him, and then took a deep breath before dialing.

It went straight to voice mail, which was what John had been hoping for.

"_General Sheppard is not in. Leave a message."_

Short, not-so-sweet, but definitely to the point.

"Hi, Dad. I'm sorry I didn't wait to talk to you. I guess you know I saw Kristi, and we finally worked things out. I think she'll be happy. I know you don't believe me, Dad, but I really do care about how you're doing, and I wish we didn't have this wall between us." John checked his watch. "I have to go now, Dad. I guess I'll call again in a few months."

He had nothing else to say, so he hung up. He caught Dr. Jackson's eye as he headed for the door, and was slightly embarrassed that he'd been overheard.

"My dad and I..."

"Family is always complicated. But at least you're still trying."

John nodded slightly. "Yeah. I guess you're right." He shook himself, and grinned lazily. "I'll see you around, Dr. Jackson."

He ignored the muttering about 'crazy flyboys' and jogged to the jumper. He finished pre-flight quickly, and then radioed the techs to dial Atlantis. He was going home.

Epilogue

Rodney paced in the jumper bay, waiting for John to shut down the ship. As soon as the hatch opened, Rodney pounced on the dark-haired man.

"I do not appreciate being left in the dark. Elizabeth banned me from her office! She claimed I was being annoying, but I was simply trying to figure out what you were up to! Really, I'm supposed to be your friend, and yet you refuse to tell me what's going on! What were you-"

John laughed. "Rodney, slow down. One more exclamation point and you'll have an apoplectic seizure." He left his friend sputtering behind him and headed for the control room, not surprised when Elizabeth met him halfway.

"Welcome back, John. How did it go?"

"Just fine. We worked everything out, and I think it's safe to say life will be a lot easier because of it. How'd things go around here?"

"Oh, fairly well. Of course, Ronon and Teyla put a few marines in the hospital. Ronon mostly, I think Teyla was trying to, shall we say, curb his enthusiasm. And of course you know Rodney wouldn't stop asking questions. As much as he wanted the extra lab time, I don't think he spent more than two hours in there the entire time you were gone." Elizabeth's eyes twinkled at the vehement denials from Rodney.

"Sounds like fun. Makes me wish I'd ignored Kristi's letter."

John and Elizabeth kept walking, but Rodney stopped in his tracks.

"A girl? You went back to Earth for a girl?!"

o0o

_AN: Pretty simple, I know, but I think it's the best way to end things. _

_I hope you all enjoyed the story. Keep an eye out for a short fic that I'll hopefully be posting soon. Thank you all for reviewing. You are lovely people._

_Amor ab imo pectore_


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